Yaadein

It was a night before my flight for US, I was visiting for the first time and too had a return ticket, my friends have developed the belief that I would not come back. I am going on travel visa; I mentioned however not enough convincing. It was true; I had felt that the city has not accepted me however also cannot deny that I have grown here. I have lost my sleep remembering each day that I had spent here considering all those mixed bag of reactions. Some of the incidents are unforgettable.

The Burnt Biscuit

Those days I was introduced to Delhi and my first destination was North campus, Delhi University, Kamla nagar. I was experiencing the comfort of metro city. I was shy in nature, most of the time I used to maintain silence to beat the argument. Later I observed the extrovert nature of people; that took my attention. I then decide to participate in all kind of discussions. I had started spending time with my friends to overcome my so called weakness. I tried many a times to add my view however somehow topic got changed and that was irritating. I dint lose hope, every next day I used to recollect all my confidence to add and yes sometimes I succeed too. That day I was again overconfident, I saw my friends were sitting in cafeteria after heading a 2 hour long class of mathematics. They were not talking much, I guessed, were tired. Suddenly Kshitij came in and offered a pack of biscuit. We all took one of one; I dint like the taste with the first bite, it was bitter. Before that I pass any comment Rahul said, nice biscuit, which one is it? This is new. Alka showed the wrapper, it was Britannia Pure Magic. Suhani added dark chocolate in biscuit and too economical. It was a celebrating moment for all. I was thinking what is so good about this biscuit, neither it was sweet nor so nice in color. It was black overall. Most of us has grown up with the taste of ParleG, Milkbikies so that I. I was annoyed and moreover I wanted to add my view so then I made debut for the day, I said, don’t be fool; it is a burnt biscuit that’s why it is cheaper. The celebration got muted for a while and all heads had turned towards me. I nodded yes and we all had a great laugh.

Don’t do Jabardasti

I had always dreamt of the day when I would do lots of shopping independently. I was over excited to explore the city. One fortunate day I and my roommate Surabhi decided to action the plan. Surabhi was old in the city, so was aware of all route and places for hangout. It was my first visit to Janpath and Palika Bazaar, a popular market nearby CP. we had spent all day roaming from one shop to another. She bought lots of regular girly stuffs and so too I. She was very good in bargaining and so was the enjoying moment for us. Wherever I needed to buy I requested her to bargain for me. It was the time to bargain for sunglasses now. I again started convincing her however I guess she was tired too consequently she motivated me to do it. I accepted the challenge and had initiated bargaining with half the price which was offered to us. It was day’s afternoon and we were tired. I was not ready to hear to shopkeeper and was repeating my quoted price for sunglasses and was sure, this is how bargain has to be done. Suddenly we heard, “Madam Jabardasti to mat karo hamare saath”. I and Surabhi looked at each other and exchange the laugh. I had given Rs 20 more to the shopkeeper and took the sunglasses. We had done for the day and returned to our hostel however would always remember “Zabardasti wali shopping”. A sentence I had ever heard of while shopping.

               

The Blind date

It was a 4^th storey building and my room was at first floor. Upasna’s room was at terrace and she was also preparing for MBA. I used to visit her often no matter day and night. That day was Lohri. People in neighborhood were enjoying, dancing on dhol beats, meeting each other and all celebrating the festival. We all hostel mates were at terrace and enjoying the view at the ground. The celebration had continued till 11 to 11:30 pm. The others hereafter returned to their respective floor however I routed to Upasna’s room. Suddenly I heard the Guitar music. The tune was “mere rang mein rangne wali, pari ho ya ho pariyon ki rani” from the movie – Maine Pyar kiya. The sound was coming nearby me. I turned and followed the track. Next to us, it was a boy’s hostel and I saw a guy sitting alone at his terrace and playing the tune. He couldn’t see me as I was one floor above his terrace. I stood till the song end and also couldn’t stop myself for passing the compliment. I said this was one of my favorite songs, nicely played. He was surprised and stood up. I had introduced myself however he returned the silence. I guessed he was still surprised or might was shy in nature. He was staring at me; I just smiled and stepped back. A week later at the same time, I heard the same tune. I kept on sitting on the roof with my friend. Few of my hostel mates watched him played and hereafter he went inside as that was the last tune for that day. Later a week, it was a birthday celebration in boys hostel, he played so many different tune in guitar however end the celebration with the same song. The repetition continued and later the frequency increased from once a week to twice a week and every time he ends with the same song. I had noticed the frequency and kept myself free however I had restricted myself to watch him. Time has passed and the day has come for my separation from the hostel. I got admission in MBA. As per the schedule time, he started playing guitar and the song came, today I stood up, he stopped the music and too stood up. He said, It was one of his favorite song too, he dint stay here, he used to visit his friend every weekend however for past few weeks he had visited twice and played the same song to see me, he continued and smiled. I mentioned, today could be my last day in hostel; I got admission in MBA, Ghaziabad. He introduced himself as Amit, a final year student, SRCC, Delhi University. We smiled.

Priyashi

What choices are for - To Fix or To Damage ?

We are born and brought up in a time when world has witnessed the societal acceptance and preferences for advanced technologies and hence experienced the power of choices. People found out their easiest way to get work done so were comfy and thereafter rooting it. Since childhood we have been taught always to aim high so that if you fail in achieving you was left out with good choices relatively. A pampered child is bulged with choices however later, one is skilled. To be an indifferent part of our lives it dominated us and we cannot refuse to become a victim. It is good to have alternative however advocating all seek sincere attention. Miracle happens; we read in articles, news; a son of rikshawpuller become IAS officer, a daughter of stonebreaker become Chartered Accountant, a son of cobbler become engineer, a physically handicapped boy scored highest in board examination, a daughter of a sex worker qualified for higher studies abroad, a dancer with prosthetic leg has world record and just like. Aren’t they winners? Not so far, a personal view, after 12th board, like many others my brother also had appeared for the IIT entrance exam and simultaneously he had filled four other engineering exams. He missed out the cut off scores with few points for IIT admission though had cleared the rest. Next year he had decided to reappear only before IIT entrance and he got admission. At present, he is a doctorate engineer, well settled in USA however what if he would have taken admission in first go, his life must be different isn’t. Was it fortunate or laudable? Often it has been stated, viewed, heard, written, read that success stories are subjected to pain, efforts, patience and concentration, all route to achieve one desired goal. Is it correct to say, that they are the ones who are left out with no choices? Or rather I would say they know how to eliminate the choices that life has thrown. It is assumed that the more you have options, the more you are powerful however if you don’t know elimination of choices, probability for damage would certainly be high. When you belong from small city, the lifestyle, the culture what we used to see on TV, read in newspaper about Metro cities or developed cities always attract you. These attractions never assure you for the betterment rather it is a hope within which shows a fairy world. I love to live in my fantasy world where everything is always good and lucrative. Being optimist, my stories would always have a happy ending. Coming to Delhi was never a dream for me though it was a planned decision taken by parents. The idea behind for this judgment was to make me independent, confident, decision maker and a strong person. I have never given a thought that I could spend eight years of my life here. One question always came to my mind – Am I learning faster or committing mistakes? I never found an answer. Learning and experience are two beautiful words to hide the damage. What is right, I was sure however that could be wrong, I had faced and hereafter, have learnt to eliminate. Choices are always have adjectives such as lucrative, tough, easy, diplomatic and conditional. If you don’t know the right, you must have known what could be wrong. Don’t justify; eliminate piece by piece considering what choices are for –To Fix or To Damage?

Priyashi

ये दिल ही तो है

बेफिक्र बेपरवाह 

हँसता गुदगुदाता

मेरा मसख़रा 

ये दिल ही तो है   

सपनों से उलझता 

हुनर को ढूँढता 

उन्मुक्त आवारा 

ये दिल ही तो है 

पथराई आँखों में 

उमीदों के सागर में 

डूबता तैरता 

ये दिल ही तो है

खुद टूट कर भी

जिन्दगी से जुड़ता

एक सिर्फ बहादुर 

ये दिल ही तो है 

क्यूँ न ख्याल करूँ मैं 

नादानों  कि भीड़ में 

समझदार बेचारा 

ये दिल ही तो है 

                                  -- प्रियाशी 

Discover You

Winter, 12 at midnight received a call. It was silence on the other side. I questioned, what happened? The silence continued, I took a deep breath and asked where are you? She answered, “At the top of her building”. My next question was what are you planning for? She said she wants to die. I asked her a favor if she could postponed her plan for an hour and meanwhile if she could talk. She agreed to that. I initiated the conversation reminding college days, how we met for the first time, She belongs to a non Hindi family so she hardly understood our talks. I taught her Hindi and she taught me hers, with many likes and dislikes we became friends. She was beautiful, fun loving, attractive and confident, unlike her I was fatso, reserved, less talkative however ever smiling. She always used to say that I have solutions of all her problems maybe that were the reason she called me in such an odd situation. Though we don’t chat very often however friends are always a call away, she said. I nodded yes. It has been a quarter; I had received any call from her. I was curious and restless to uncover the mystery however I didn't ask her as she was crying, crying and crying. She said she was in a relationship and one unpleasant day the guy walked out from her life without any reasons. She had tried many a times however the call was unanswered. My question to her was to justify attempting suicide. She said she is suffering from Depression – Anxiety and/or panic attacks – Sleeplessness – Shame and guilt – Difficulty concentrating – Fatigue or loss of motivation – Feeling betrayed and/or violated – Feeling powerless, helpless, or out of control – Loss of confidence and self-esteem – Withdrawal and isolation. My question was still unanswered, why she had made such furious decision? What she was talking about, all those were emotions and could be controlled. She took a breather and asked how? I suggested her to forgive him. She was shocked and awarded me with plenty of unpleasant words beep….beep….beep……and we had instituted a long silence for couple of minutes. It was 2 AM now. I guess she had believed me more than she was hurt. She asked whether he would come back if she forgives him. I said no. She was quite however I could hear the question, then why? My friend would definitely be back, I mentioned. We paused for some time and then she replied and was confident. Now my question changes to why does she want to live?  She was again speechless. I forced her to speak, she had given so many good for nothing reasons to die at least she could give one important reason to live. She always wanted to be a theater artist, she continued. We smiled and I guess discovered our answer. You cannot win every game and similarly cannot lose all either. It is very important to understand we can experience perfections in work however not in personality. We are humans so as do mistakes, learn to forgive. It was now 4:30 AM. The dark night had passed, she said. “Good Morning”, I greeted. To lighten the situation and to be more confident, I requested her not to go for high jump from the building; else cops would arrest me as a last person to chat with. We laughed and laughed and laughed. It has been now more than 2 years of this incident. She has joined a theater group and yes, she found her soul mate and gets settled in USA. The morning has a message, no matter how dark the night is, its morning is certain. Present lifestyle fosters, how I would be happy however the question is who you are? Please take out your time from processed lifestyle and "Discover You". The happiness is just around the corner. 

Priyashi

Are We Modern ??

Are we actually a part of the modern society? What does modern signifies? The literally meaning of modern is most up to date that could be techniques, ideas, thoughts, culture anything. Rather it has been seen that we are a part of affluent society however is not Modern. What is the difference?  Over the decades we have been experienced changes in normal days and that are good and bad. The justification is individual and far from veracity. 

In present scenario if any teenager has been questioned about his/her future aspirations, the answer would be a successful person and if the question specifically asked what does success means to? Most of the common inputs would be money and fame and more precisely if asked why money is so important, an obvious statement - enjoying life - night parties, new gadgets and accessories, Boyfriends, Girlfriends made an entry hoping to buy happiness. If the same question has been asked to the youth, the answer would be career focused and if the question specifically asked what is a set career? Most of the entries would be money and status in the society and more precisely if asked why money is so important, a general outcome would be personal attainments for having own house, car, onsite vacations with family, the reason is same, the hope for buying happiness. To the third kind if the same question has been asked what are parent’s aspirations? The answer would engage education to their offspring’s in top schools, utmost fulfillment of family desire and a secure retirement plan, the reason is one - buying happiness. 

By what we are influenced – one specific society or a modernization? 

It is a myth that accepting everything new is modernization. Modernization is the adaption and implementation of most up to date techniques, ideas, thoughts, culture and anything which talks about the changes for upliftment individually or in society and hence a society which satisfies the inference can be experienced as a modern society.

Here are some questions to be valued - 
Modern thoughts - Are we cultivating new ideas or are we following new trends to buy individual or societal happiness? 
Modern Education – Are we focusing on skills and knowledge to be enhanced or are we aiming at top notch schools and colleges name to be shown in pedigree? 
Modern Women - Working and leading her life independently has been categorized one of the valuable factor as Modern women however it has been proven in most cases that present women are so working and not has choice to lead her life independently. 
Are we encouraging or accepting women ideas, willingness and desire or are we allowing or exploring them limited?  
Modern Culture – Are we modifying our moral values and traditions with time or are we following so called developed culture? 

For what I believe most of us agree with next question. We are influenced by affluence which is far away from the point of concern. On the morality ground it is the responsibility of the modern citizen to construct the type of society where to live in, and it can only be seen in practice when we identify the difference and rub. It is needed to be significantly implemented to have a developed society. So think before you tag in. - Are We Modern?

Priyashi

इंतज़ार

ये डर भी मेरा

ये स्याह भी मेरी

फिर भी बुझती साँसों को  

जीवन का इंतज़ार क्यूँ है 

ये शोर भी मेरा 

ये घुटन भी मेरी 

फिर भी बेजान पुतलों को 

एहसास का इंतज़ार क्यूँ है 

ये दाँव भी मेरा 

ये झिझक भी मेरी

फिर भी लड़खड़ाते कदमों को 

ठहराव का इंतज़ार क्यूँ है 

ये अक्स भी मेरा 

ये धड़कन भी मेरी 

फिर भी अस्तित्व के मोहर को 

मुखौटों का इंतज़ार क्यूँ है 

ये विकल्प भी मेरा 

ये तपन भी मेरी 

फिर भी सुकून-ए-ज़िन्दगी को 

प्यार का इंतज़ार क्यूँ है

                                           -- प्रियाशी

कहती है बेटी !

माँ ! ओ माँ उठो ना

आज बात नहीं करोगी मुझसे 

तेरे अंदर से बोल रही हूँ  - मैं "तेरी रानी बेटी "

तू रोज़ मुझे दुनिया से परिचय कराती है 

आज भी कुछ बताओ ना 

तेरी बात सुनके बहुत अच्छा लगता है

माँ ! मैंने तो अभी से सपने बुन लिए है 

तेरा नाम हमेशा रोशन करुँगी,

तेरी परछाई हूँ ना !

माँ ! ओ माँ तुम चुप क्यूँ हो 

आज तुम इतनी उदास क्यूँ हो 

मेरी बात तो सुन रही हो ना  - मैं "तेरी लाडली बेटी "

तूमने तो मेरा नाम भी सोच लिया था 

आज भी मुझे पुकारो ना 

मुझे तेरे साथ होने का यकीन होता है

माँ ! तेरे' गर्भ में तो महफूज़ हूँ 

क्या बाहर भी ऐसी ही रहूँगी 

मैं लड़की हूँ ना !

माँ ! हाँ बोलो मैं सुन रही हूँ

अरे ! तुम तो रो रही हो,

तेरे दर्द को महसूस कर सकती हूँ - मैं "तेरी बहादुर बेटी"

मुझसे तो सच बोल सकती हो तुम 

आज ये क्या कह रही हो माँ 

ये मैं हूँ, तेरी गुडिया, तेरा सहारा 

तुमने ही तो मुझसे कहा था 

मेरे सपनो को पूरा करोगी 

अब हिम्मत तो मत हारो ना !

माँ ! मैं तेरी आँखों से देख रही हूँ 

तुम इस दुनिया से दुखी हो ना 

मेरे लिए असुरक्षित समाज से तड़प रही हो 

लेकिन मेरा अस्तित्व गलत तो नहीं

माँ ! मुझे जीवन दो 

मुझे नाम से पुकार लो 

कहती है बेटी - मुझे अपना लो  

मैं लड़की हूँ ना 

                                         -- प्रियाशी