Saturday, 15 February 2014

Discover You

Winter, 12 at midnight received a call. It was silence on the other side. I questioned, what happened? The silence continued, I took a deep breath and asked where are you? She answered, “At the top of her building”. My next question was what are you planning for? She said she wants to die. I asked her a favor if she could postponed her plan for an hour and meanwhile if she could talk. She agreed to that. I initiated the conversation reminding college days, how we met for the first time, She belongs to a non Hindi family so she hardly understood our talks. I taught her Hindi and she taught me hers, with many likes and dislikes we became friends. She was beautiful, fun loving, attractive and confident, unlike her I was fatso, reserved, less talkative however ever smiling. She always used to say that I have solutions of all her problems maybe that were the reason she called me in such an odd situation. Though we don’t chat very often however friends are always a call away, she said. I nodded yes. It has been a quarter; I had received any call from her. I was curious and restless to uncover the mystery however I didn't ask her as she was crying, crying and crying. She said she was in a relationship and one unpleasant day the guy walked out from her life without any reasons. She had tried many a times however the call was unanswered. My question to her was to justify attempting suicide. She said she is suffering from Depression – Anxiety and/or panic attacks – Sleeplessness – Shame and guilt – Difficulty concentrating – Fatigue or loss of motivation – Feeling betrayed and/or violated – Feeling powerless, helpless, or out of control – Loss of confidence and self-esteem – Withdrawal and isolation. My question was still unanswered, why she had made such furious decision? What she was talking about, all those were emotions and could be controlled. She took a breather and asked how? I suggested her to forgive him. She was shocked and awarded me with plenty of unpleasant words beep….beep….beep……and we had instituted a long silence for couple of minutes. It was 2 AM now. I guess she had believed me more than she was hurt. She asked whether he would come back if she forgives him. I said no. She was quite however I could hear the question, then why? My friend would definitely be back, I mentioned. We paused for some time and then she replied and was confident. Now my question changes to why does she want to live?  She was again speechless. I forced her to speak, she had given so many good for nothing reasons to die at least she could give one important reason to live. She always wanted to be a theater artist, she continued. We smiled and I guess discovered our answer. You cannot win every game and similarly cannot lose all either. It is very important to understand we can experience perfections in work however not in personality. We are humans so as do mistakes, learn to forgive. It was now 4:30 AM. The dark night had passed, she said. “Good Morning”, I greeted. To lighten the situation and to be more confident, I requested her not to go for high jump from the building; else cops would arrest me as a last person to chat with. We laughed and laughed and laughed. It has been now more than 2 years of this incident. She has joined a theater group and yes, she found her soul mate and gets settled in USA. The morning has a message, no matter how dark the night is, its morning is certain. Present lifestyle fosters, how I would be happy however the question is who you are? Please take out your time from processed lifestyle and "Discover You". The happiness is just around the corner. 



  1. Great line of thought and very nicely written!
    If I had to pick, this would be the best: "It is very important to understand we can experience perfections in work however not in personality."

    Great post :)

  2. Discovering yourself and accepting life the way it is, are the two best things you can do for yourself. Interesting abstract, is it real or fiction?

  3. True words Saru. Thank you for reading. It is a real incident....:)

  4. Thank you for reading Sanjay..... :)